Time Travel Film Reviews
|Test Tube Teens from the Year 2000 (1994)|
(Also Known As - The Virgin Hunters)
"Science was never this hard..."
Directed by David DeCoteau
The year is 2019 and the corporations rule America. Sex and thoughts of lust are outlawed and the only form of pro-creation is via test tube babies. The test tube teens of the title are 19-year-old males Vin and Naldo, and voluptuous 19-year-old female named Reena. Their history professor takes the three teens aside to tell them of the world before aspiring politician Camellia Swales (Morgan Fairchild) convinced the corporations that there was no profit in sex and had it banished. Urging the teens to explore the archives and learn the truth for themselves, professor Dorn is carted off by the security police.
Confused, but curious, Vin and Naldo explore the school's archives to discover among other things, an issue of Playpen magazine, a 1997 Newspaper article foretelling Camellia Swales rise to power, and a time machine. Naldo, the brains of the operation, convinces Vin that they must travel to the past and prevent Swales from banishing sex. With the assistance of Renna, the pair return to 1994 and the site of Camellia Swales all girls finishing school in an attempt to stop her.
This T&A fest produced by Torchlight Entertainment was obviously destined for a straight to video market. With other such titles as Beach Babes from Beyond (1993), Blonde Heaven (1995), and Petticoat Planet (1996), it's not hard to see the market Torchlight is aiming at.
Filled with gratuitous fantasy sequences that provide lame excuses to have a variety of the female characters get naked, Test Tube Teens from the Year 2000 is little more than soft-core porn masquerading as light comedy. A sort of Playboy Channel meets Mystery Science Theatre. I don't want to sound too preachy considering I grew up on movies not too distantly related to this, such as that great Scott Baio / Willie Aames vehicle Zapped (1982). I do however, feel I have to challenge the attitude of a film whose overall message is that all a politically motivated, uptight woman such as Camellia Swales needs is a good screwing to straighten her out and loosen her up. Considering this movie was made in the early 1990's, its hard to believe that such an a politically incorrect message was at its core. Then again, given the premise of the film and the market the studio is aiming at, perhaps it's not so surprising after all.
Getting back to the time travel aspects of the movie the time chamber used in the movie appeared to be fairly standard time machine, with a keypunch terminal used to set the destination date and return date for the travelers. One unique aspect of the time chamber was that it required an external operator to activate the controls and that the occupants were transported through time, not the machine itself. It was also curious that there was no automatic recall feature and that the operator needed to enter a recall date to return the occupants to the present. While preparing to set the recall date for Vin and Naldo, Reena is interrupted by the security forces. In attempt to avoid capture Reena enters the time chamber and is accidentally transported to what should have been the recall date, three days after Vin and Naldo arrive in the past.
As a spoof to the Terminator movies, a Terminator like cyborg, complete with dark shades, leather jacket and white t-shirt arrive on scene to eliminate Vin and Naldo. The gag is funny for the first thirty seconds, but highlights the weakness of the script when the Terminator character becomes central to the plot and does little more than spout recycled dialogue from the two Terminator movies.
While good for the occasional laugh, its difficult to justify recommending Test Tube Teens from the Year 2000, unless of course you're a pre-teen boy looking for the illicit thrill of some naked breasts on video.
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